Every relationship is different, and there isn’t one couple out there whose routine and nature of the relationship is the same as someone else’s. However, there are certain things that all couples have in common – they all have their issues. They may be different problems, but problems nonetheless. Now, the only question that remains is – are these things you can deal with in order to keep your relationship alive or absolute deal-breakers that are telling you it’s time to call it quits. The answer is simple – if there is no love left, it is definitely time to end it, but, if you both still feel that there is something real there, something worth saving, don’t forfeit the fight before you’ve even entered the ring. Follow our advice, and hopefully, these tips will give you a clue as to where to start mending the love nest.
Yelling is the best way not to be heard
When in an argument with your significant other, the way to failure is paved in yelling and shouting. Not only does yelling make you less heard but according to Psychology Today ‘a major problem with such verbally aggressive responses is that they, in turn, tend to be met with similar defensive responses from the target, who may self-defensively perceive your response as being personally offensive.’ It’s human basic human nature, when we feel under attack, we tend to fight back, which actually leads nowhere good. Despite what many people think, we are more in control of our behaviour than we think. If you do need a trick to keep the urge to yell under control, try this trick – imagine you have a posh British guest in the room next to yours. This is bound to work, because people also have a tendency to mind their behaviour when they know they have company. So, the next time you feel the urge to scream bubbling up inside you, think of poor, well-mannered Colin in the next room, and you are bound to be more considerate and lower your voice.
Little goes a long way
While in the early stages of the relationship, we tend to be infatuated with everything the other person does. Our heart-shaped glasses even cause us to view flaws as a positive, or even worse, not notice flaws at all. As time passes, we start seeing the loved one’s shortcomings and annoying habits, and more often than not, we pick at them and point them out. While it’s inevitable that you’ll be irritated with, say, your boyfriend leaving socks around or leaving tools every time he fixes something, and you’ll definitely be vocal about it, it’s important to be vocal about the good stuff too. So, every time your beloved does something wonderful, don’t take it for granted; acknowledge it, praise them, and tell them how wonderful and amazing they are. You’d be surprised with the positive effect, and the more you say encouraging, loving things, you will become all the more reminded of the things you love about the person.
Third party perspective
There are two types of people – ones who talk about their issues and the ones who keep up the façade of perfection. The second group needs to shift their behaviour towards that of the first. Opening up to friends can be a good thing, but the drawback of relying on their help is the fact that your friends can’t possibly be objective. You know they will always take your side, or at least most of the time. So, if things get really rough, you definitely need an objective third party. Your friends may not have enough distance or professional experience, and that’s why online counselling is the best way to go. Turn to an expert, someone who knows relationships and is, most importantly, unbiased. When in the hands of a professional, you won’t be coddled and told you’re right when you aren’t and you’ll get the proper help you need when the road gets really rocky.
Rekindle the romance
Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or married with children, it’s inevitable to get stuck in a rut at some point. Romance gives way to life, and work, kids, errands and hectic schedules take over. This is why it’s paramount to make the time to romance each other, and go on dates. Netflix and chill won’t salvage your relationship, but a romantic dinner or any kind of spontaneous and adventurous outing just might. According to psychologist Leah Klungness, Ph.D., falling into a dateless marriage (or relationship) can put a damper on the roles you play to each other, so even if decadent romantic dinners aren’t within your financial reach, there are other activities you can plan to bond, reconnect and rekindle the fire.